What's in It for Me?

I must admit, on more than one occasion I've asked this question in regards to my faith. I probably wasn't this direct, but I've certainly had thoughts like,

Why did this happen to me?

How could God do this to us?

I did everything right.

Why didn't this turn out the way I wanted?

Dear God, if you just let this happen, I will be good.

Sound familiar? No matter how pious we may be, I think we all suffer from narcissistic thoughts once in awhile. Even the disciples found themselves wondering how their actions and good behavior might land them a seat of honor at the right or left of Christ. We're human and in our humanity we are flawed. But we can still strive to be better. I very much like the following prayer from St. Ignatius of Loyola. I keep it around for those moments when I find myself thinking too much about myself. I hope you'll find some resonance of truth and grace in it, too.

Just Because You Are My God

Oh, my God, I want to love you

Not that I might gain eternal heaven

Nor escape eternal hell

But, Lord, to love you just because

you are my God.

Grant me to give to you

And not to count the cost,

To fight for you

And not to mind the wounds,

To labor and to ask for no reward

except the knowledge

that I serve my God.

~St. Ignatius of Loyola