Lord, Have Mercy

In times of uncertainty, it is more important than ever to cling to hope and faith. Growing up Catholic, my faith has always been intricately entwined with my being. For example, when things get lost around my house, the first line of defense is a prayer request for St. Anthony's assistance. No conscious directive to pray, just an automatic plea, "St. Anthony . . . help!"

An immediate response of I'll pray for you slips from my lips when told of another's pain or suffering. The inner voice that fills my mind is a mixture a self-absorbed monologue sorting through the happenings of life and an ongoing dialogue with God. Funny thing is that none of this was known to me until my faith was shaken. In the midst of questioning why and how could this happen, I cut myself off from God. What followed was a lonely, empty room where silence suffocated breath. In this whiteness, I found myself wordless, prayerless, and lost.

Here again I seek solace in the words of Henri Nouwen, my sweet protector and angel spiritual guide. He reminds me that I can run from God, but God will not run from me. In that white, silent room, God stands by the door. He watches me and waits for me to turn and notice that I've never been alone. Nouwen writes,

You wonder what to do when you feel attacked on all sides by seemingly irresistible forces, waves that cover you and want to sweep you off your feet. Sometimes these waves consist of feeling rejected, feeling misunderstood. Sometimes they consist of anger, resentment, or even the desire for revenge, and sometimes of self-pity and self-rejection. These waves make you feel like a powerless child abandoned by your parents.

What are you to do? Make the conscious choice to move the attention of your anxious heart away from these waves and direct it to the One who walks on them and says, "It's me. Don't be afraid." Keep turning your eyes to him and go on trusting that he will bring peace to your heart. Look to him and say, "Lord, have mercy." Say it again and again, not anxiously but with confidence that he is very close to you and will put your soul to rest.

The waves come in many forms . . . some expected, some unexpected. The point is to keep your eyes above them and firmly focused on Christ. He shared our humanity, but was not flawed.

Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.